Lesson 8 – Arrogance:
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In the morning I skyped my father, and then later in the evening I skyped my mother. When I skyped my mother, I went into excitement because I knew that what I had to tell her would produce some good laughs. And so, I told my mom about what dad looked like today and poked fun at him, which brought laughs from my mom because I knew that me poking fun at my father would make her laugh.
My point here is about arrogance because what I did was made fun of my father behind his back, and did so right in front of my mother. I see here that I did it because I knew it would be a funny conversation topic because I had nothing else to say to her, so I thought it would be funny/entertaining to talk about it. I know that who she has become is someone who likes making fun of people, so I knew that for me to fuel this, it would bring positive attention to me because I knew my mom would get a kick out of it.
However, obviously I am catching this because I do not accept and allow myself to continue with this pattern of arrogance by poking fun at others simply for acceptance and being liked and getting positive attention from others because arrogance stems from separation and abuse, which does not support me and all as one as equal.
Self Forgiveness:
Excited about sharing news about my father to my mother:
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become excited moments before sharing news about my father to my mother because I knew that what I was going to share will produce laughs and positive reactions from my mother that will make me feel happy about myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become excited before sharing information that I know it will produce positive results which will make me happy.
Its like when you have news to share and you know its going to be really good and you just hold that in with excitement because you know the reactions are going to be what you expect them to be and you can’t wait to give out ‘the good news’, and when that time comes to announce something you say it and get the reaction you wanted and expected and you go into the energetic state of happiness and feel really good about yourself. So it’s like you’re already waiting for that moment to arrive to feel really good and happy about yourself, but then you are expecting others to give you that happiness and that reaction, because if they did not and things did not go as planned, you would access disappointment, because the opposite of excitement is disappointment – so it’s all energy, it’s all in polarity, up and down, so a trap for oneself.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I was participating in energy while speaking about my father to my mother with the intent of getting a positive response so that I may experience the positive feel-good energy of the mind.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to become aware that I was participating in the energies of my mind so that I could experience a temporary ‘high’ of feel-good energy that I have allowed myself to enslave myself to, not aware that in that moment of experiencing that high I was in fact not breathing and not being here in my body, aware of my body and what is going on within me.
Self Corrective Application:
When and as I see myself experience excitement because the information I am about to share is going to bring positive results, I stop, I breathe and do not allow myself to continue existing in excitement because I realize that I am participating in energy that I have allowed myself to enslave myself to, so I assist and support myself to take a breath and self honestly re-assess what it is I am going to share, investigate the starting point behind it and conclude if it is best for me to share.
Poking/Making Fun of My Father
Making fun of my father because I knew that my mom would get a kick out of it. I predicted that my mother would accept me making fun of my father and laugh about it because she has done so in the past when I would pick on him, and its like I know exactly what to say and how to act in order to get my mother to laugh – so its like I know how to make my mother laugh simply because I have tested how to do so by creating a character that twists and manipulates its words and behaviors to my mother’s liking.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make fun of my father by making fun of what he looked like and how he was acting in order to produce a laugh from my mother.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to succumb to arrogance of making fun of my father for my mother because I knew that my mother would get a kick out of how and what my father looked like.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that I get a kick out of making fun of people because it makes me feel better about myself, instead of realizing that I first projected this realization onto my mother, believing that my mother enjoys making fun of people instead of bringing the point back to self and seeing, realizing and understanding that its actually me who ‘gets a kick’ out of making fun of people.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to take responsibility for the fact that I get a kick out of making fun of others because I know that it produces laughs from others, and I have defined getting laughs from others from making fun of others as being accepted by others, which I have given value to. From this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself value having people laugh at me making fun of others as a point of feeling and being accepted by others.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give value to being accepted by others by becoming arrogant and making fun of another simply to feel supported and accepted by others instead of realizing that I am depending on others to accept me instead of me accepting me as who I am.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the starting point of wanting to be accepted by my mother as the reason why I decided to speak about and make fun of my father, because I knew that what I would say would be accepted and approved by my mother because she says and makes fun of my father for the same things, so I knew that what I would say would be approved by her because she herself has said and done the same things I have done when making fun of another.
I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to make fun of my father because I knew it will be approved by my mother, and from this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use past experiences of my mother accepting me of making fun of people as the reason and fuel to continue participating in arrogance because I knew the result of it will produce her laughing and accept what I have said.
I forgive myself that I Have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that there must exist a point of feeling inferior towards another if I am wanting to making fun of another simply to feel better about myself. From this, I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I was trying to feel better about myself because I saw myself inferior and not good enough in my mothers eyes and therefore, wanted attention and approval from her, and knew that I would receive such approval by making fun of my father to her.
Self Corrective Statements:
When and as I see myself begin to make fun of another because I want to produce laughs so I can feel better about myself, I stop, I breathe and do not continue participating in making fun of another as I realize that my starting point is simply to receive approval and acceptance from another/others instead of simply being ok with me and accepting me and not looking for anything or anyone outside of myself to accept me. I realize that there must be an inferiority point existent within me if I want to feel better/feel superior in myself and by doing so, I make fun of others. If I had already made fun of another and caught myself in this time-loop, I simply note what I had done and do not judge what I have done as it’s simply a time-loop that I was not aware of that I must investigate further to see what that point was that led me to making fun of another. I assist and support myself in stopping myself from making fun of another as a form of arrogance simply to feel or be accepted by others, as I see that making fun of another is not supportive for me or anyone else.
When and as I see myself make fun of another to my mother, I stop, I breathe and do not participate in this even though I realize that this would be approved by my mother and I realize that this approval is simply because I felt like I needed approval and attention from my mother which is complete bullshit because I am speaking bullshit and making fun of another as arrogance simply for attention and approval from my mother – yet the very act of making fun of another is not supportive for me or my mother but supports abuse and separation, so I assist and support myself to stop seeking approval and acceptance from my mother by making fun of others even though I know my mother would get a kick out of it, but I see in common sense that it does not support oneness and equality as Life, and does not support me, but only supports separation and abuse.
Becoming a Character to Be Accepted by Mom
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create and participate in the arrogance character where I have deliberately created myself into an actor-character where I would make fun of my father and use specific hand movements and body movements and voice tonalities that I knew would entertain and be accepted by my mother because they were the same behaviors and characteristics that my mother has created and performed for me throughout my life when making fun of another.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate and become a character who exaggerates themselves and their words while making fun of others simply to produce attention and laughs, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become and participate in this character while making fun of my father to my mother because I knew that my mother would approve of this character I created because she has been this character before and I have copied this character from her. And I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that I have copied this character from my mother because I have seen others approve of this character, especially family members, as I have seen it produce the same result: getting attention and laughs from others.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek approval and acceptance outside of myself from others, and to use the past of what I know that will produce laughs by making fun of others to create another time-loop for myself just to feel accepted by others even if what I have done is a form of arrogance that is unsupportive for myself, others and my process.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give value to receiving acceptance and approval from my mother by making her laugh through making fun of my father, instead of realizing that what I am doing is abusive and only perpetuates abuse every time I continue, accept and allow others and myself to make fun of another as arrogance. I see, realize and understand how unsupportive it is to make fun of another simply to gain energy of feeling accepted and approved from others.
I see realize and understand that I have copied and participated in a specific type of character-actor where when I make fun of someone, I move my hands a certain way and my facial expression and voice tonality changes and I become this actor, acting in a particular manner to entertain and bring attention to myself simply to gain energy within myself and arouse laughs from another wanting to be accepted and approved by others.
Self Corrective Statements:
When and as I see myself begin to participate in the character-actor by making fun of someone as a means to get someone to like/approve of what I’m doing, I stop, I breathe and do not participate in this character-personality as I realize that this character is one in which I’ve copied from my mother because I’ve seen how others have approved of this character and I decided to take on this character when I make fun of others as a means to gain attention and approval for myself. I see, realize and understand that I have been depending on others and their words and reactions to define who I am and I would create characters and personalities simply to be accepted and approved of. So I assist and support myself to investigate all the points and areas where I have allowed others words/deeds/etc to define who I am and have an influence on who I am, because I see that for me to define and become who I am based on how others have acted/reacted towards me is not what’s best for all/me and is not supportive for me– so I assist and support myself to stop defining me based on others opinions/reactions/words/etc.
Positive Attention From Mom
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make fun of my father for my mother because I knew it would bring positive attention to me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the starting point of wanting positive attention and approval from my mother to be the reason why I decided to speak up and make fun of my father.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to also speak up and make fun of my father because I saw that as an opportunity to chat with my mother, as I found it to be a conversation topic that would be entertaining and produce laughs, instead of realizing that me making fun of my father was an attempt to try and create a conversation with my mother so there would be something to talk about instead of realizing that if there is nothing to talk about with my mother, then it is ok to leave chat and not stick around and waste time being in chat with my mom since there is nothing to talk about, but I see that I was there simply because I felt like I should be there in chat with mom and that I should take up time talking to her, but did not see the common sense point that if there is nothing supportive to talk about there really is no point talking to another – especially if what is being said is stupid, pointless, irrelevant to what is here, then the conversation should end as nothing supportive is being communicated about.
Self Corrective Statements:
When and as I see myself begin to or participate in the character-actor of entertaining others through making fun of another, I stop, I breathe and do not allow myself to participate in the character anymore as I realize that this is a copied behavior/character I got from my mother who I have seen that by participating/becoming this character one gets positive attention to oneself from others which I have defined and given value as a way to get approval from others, instead of realizing that becoming this character by no means supports me but is more like a possession where I have become a certain personality in order to gain energy for myself to feel good. So I support myself in stopping whenever I see myself participate in this entertainment character trying to get a few laughs and attention from others as I realize this act is self-interest based and does not support me at all.
When and as I see myself about to or am participating in making fun of someone because it is a topic that I find to take up time and entertaining, I stop, I breathe and do not allow myself to continue participating but as self forgiveness, allow myself to stop, apologize and bring up the realization that what I’m doing is not supportive and that if I was that person I would not like to be made fun of/talked about like that. SO I assist and support myself to stop talking about topics, people and things that are not supportive and are junk/verbal diarrhea simply to take up time and/or there is nothing else to talk about. I see in common sense that if there is nothing else to talk about that’s relevant, there really is no point to continue talking and that’s ok – conversations don’t have to continue and go on for a certain period of time if what is being said is unsupportive, stupid and/or irrelevant.
Word: Arrogance
Self Allocation Point:
I get a very negative feeling from this word. This word reminds me of my cousin Jim because I have called him arrogant indirectly once through comments on facebook, implying that he is arrogant. I called him this because my cousin/his sister also implied he is arrogant and it stuck with me and I have used that to justify why he is an asshole and all these other negative qualities about him. So I was the giver of the word arrogant. Now when the word comes back to me, arrogant…I see it as a point of shame, that I am to blame for being arrogant, for being this way, that being arrogant is BAD, and you are a BAD person for being arrogant. I also associate arrogant as being a haughty rich male snob, like the father I use to nanny his children for, one who is wealthy and mean and arrogant and ignorant… so I have associated being arrogant as a negative and bad quality for someone to have. I also see arrogance as a point of power, many men in power can be arrogant, like Donald Trump, a billionaire, and his arrogance is accepted because he is powerful and has a lot of money. But besides that point, arrogant I see is a very bad quality for someone.
Dictionary Definition:
Offensive display of superiority or self-importance; overbearing pride
Sounding of the Word: Arrogance
Arrow-against: like shooting an arrow to someone as a form of spite/being against that person. Being against someone, having an arrow to shoot someone with.
Creative Writing:
Arrogance: displaying superiority or self-importance
Is there polarity in the definition that I have assigned to the word?
Answer: no
Can I stand by this definition of the word eternally?
Answer: yes
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